QUOTI OF THE DAY
"Well, they picked up God and put him back in his place; you know - changed his diapers, fed him breakfast...."
- RBC, re. fallen idol described in Samuel I (Dagon)
"Well, they picked up God and put him back in his place; you know - changed his diapers, fed him breakfast...."
"Just act like you're listening to me. I'll leave in a couple of minutes. Promise."
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Ok, this homeless dude living in a tent in a forest outside of Whistler, British Columbia, decides that he "was going to become a perfect person by fasting." So he fasts for 60 days (apparently he had done this periodically for up to 30 days, but 60 days was the longest period he had ever fasted) and surprise, surprise, the fast produced what the homeless man called "hunger, clouds of insanity, total confusion...it's a horrible, horrible state."
"I don't like gym being at the goodwill of Mister Howard and his so-called dog."
"Throw strikes. Don't worry about home runs. Babe Ruth is dead."
I've written a postscript to last year's email devoted to a brief encapsulation of the constitutional differences between a Shofet and a Melekh. Here then are the original essay as well as the amendment:
[See http://gscarows.blogspot.com/2006/08/ephraim-stulberg-on-shoftim-5765-what.html for the original essay.]
P.S. I never did get around to reading Blidstein's book (though I recently purchased the original, Hebrew, edition). However, I recently came across an essay by the late Chief Rabbi of Israel, R' Isaac Halevi Herzog in a volume of his writings entitled Constitution and Law in a Jewish State according to the Halacha (Ha-chuka le-Yisrael al pi hattorah) that contains several relevant points.
In his essay, which is ostensibly devoted to a discussion of the halakhic issues associated with women holding positions of power in a Jewish state, R' Herzog distinguishes between the de jure position of melekh, which was initiated with the ascent of King Saul, and the de facto sort of kingship - what R' Herzog calls "din melekh" exercised by Moshe and Yehoshua, by the shofet or the nasi or whatever the highest ranking Jewish politico might be called. While the latter positions also held many of the same rights and responsibilities as an actual king, such as the responsibility to bring the special sin offering in case of an accidental transgression (see Horayos 11b) or the responsibility to read Hakhel, there are also important differences.
For instance, an official king' rule is hereditary; it can under no circumstances be undone. This is not so with a de facto ruler. A king must insist on being honoured properly, while a de facto monarch may forego this right.
Devorah was not a judge at all, writes R' Herzog, and was therefore not a counterexample to the Talmudic rule against women judging. Rather, as indeed many early authorities have written, her role was primarily military and political; but she was not an actual king either, which is important in light of the Sifrei's ruling of "Melekh - ve-lo malka." Likewise, Eli was allowed to serve as a shofet in spite of the Talmudic rule against having a kohein serve as King (Yerushalmi Sotah 8:3).
Ahenny (adj.) The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves.
I went on Rabbi Natan Slifkin's Torah tour of the Bronx Zoo last Sunday. It was great! He's a good speaker: fascinating, entertaining, witty. I learned a lot of neat stuff. I got my picture taken with him, but I did not, unfortunately, have a chance to get my picture taken with a banned book.
Acle (n.) The rouge pin which shirtmakers conceal in the most improbable fold of a new shirt. Its function is to stab you when you don the garment.
Was this staged?
From "Big Train"
I believe you're all (that being HWMNBN and myself, does anybody else read this thing?) familiar with this type of feature. HWMNBN is more than halfway through the Devil's Dictionary, so I figured I might as well start going through The Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adams. I'll only be posting my favourites, so it shouldn't take too long to get through the whole thing (a couple of months should do it).
Pocket, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
From "The 'Quebecistan' Question", by Brigitte Pellerin, in The Ottawa Citizen, Aug. 24, 2006, p. A12:
What Defines a "Melech"?
"He's the only guy I know who does his clothes shopping at the San Diego Zoo. He puts five animals on the endangered species list with one outfit."
Plunder, v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To effect a change of ownership with the candid concomitance of a brass band. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanished opportunity.
I have created a Hebrew table of contents for Sources Indicating That Chazal Did Not Possess Perfect Scientific Knowledge. Any comments?
As recent events have shown, there is nothing that stirs people’s emotions more than the subject of war. During wartime, questions of military strategy, international diplomacy, and human morality can no longer be avoided, and we find out things about ourselves and our friends that would otherwise have remained latent. Far from being a purely modern phenomenon, debates over war – albeit of a more legalistic nature – also occupied the minds of our sages. This email attempts to address one particular aspect of Jewish diplomatic and military protocol.
Everyone should go to google and use this search string.
Is still being played. (Only by HWMNBN and myself, although others are welcome to join, it's not an exclusive club).
"In all the years I played, he was the only guy who ever scared me, and he was on my team."
"...And if the men thought they had really attractive legs, they would get a seat on the stage and sort of stretch out and show them off..."
The location of Mounts Grizim and Eival, upon which the Israelites received the blessings and Curses mentioned in the beginning of this week’s reading, is spelled out at some length:
"The most amazing thing I've ever seen was Jay Johnstone in uniform in line at a concession stand at Dodger Stadium after the game had already started."
Platonic, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.
At the end of P’ Re’eh, we are commanded to rejoice on the festivals (D’varim 16:11, 16:14). This commandment is generally interpreted by the Talmud as requiring one to bring peace-offerings (“sh’lamim”), and to celebrate the festival by eating from their flesh (P’sachim 109a). When that is not a possibility, one must find another way in which to fulfill the commandment. The gemara cites an argument as to what forms the “simcha” ought to take in the absence of sacrificial meat. One anonymous opinion states that it must be wine; Rabbi Yehuda argues, saying that men and women will experience joy through different vehicles. Thus, as the gemara explains R’ Yehuda’s opinion, while men will prefer alcohol, women would much rather buy a new dress for Yom Tov.
On the Engagement of Tsippi Fried (Dallas, Texas) & Noam Gross (Ottawa, Canada)
Platitude, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-morality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram.
"Why champagne? It doesn't taste good, and it stings the eyes. Why not milk? Or even half-and-half?"
"Could you leave that down there, so it won't fall on the floor?"
Pitiful, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.
On your birthday ♥
On your birthday ♥
"The champagne they're keeping in the locker room is getting more valuable every year."
"In Egypt, they got free meat. It was the social democrat NDP government of Pharaoh."
Pilgrim, n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who, leaving Europe in 1620 because not permitted to sing psalms through his nose, followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.
The Torah warns us against excessive expressions of mourning, and therefore proscribes us from mutilating ourselves in our grief. Thus, when confronted with death, we may not scratch ourselves, nor pull out our hair (D’varim 14:1).
"Tradition here in St. Louis is Stan Musial coming to the clubhouse and making the rounds. Tradition in San Diego is Nate Colbert coming into the clubhouse and trying to sell you a used car."
Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
Yes, I know that photoshopping (does that qualify as a homonym?) isn't exactly new to this blog. Believe it or not Captain Salamander was not actually arrested back in December of 2005 and Gaby 'n Fish does not dream about playing every character on ER. This game however is slighty different. The way it works is as follows: save the image previous to yours and then re-post it with ONLY ONE modification. The modification can be subtle, small, large, hard-to-find, whatever. I'll start with the following normal picture:
Ok, I know there's been some harsh criticsms towards some of the games we've tried playing on this blog (need I mention Match Me). Nonetheless I'm going to suggest a new game to get us through those slow dog days of summer. The game is called "Unscramble This!!!" (yes, all three exclamation marks are required). The rules are quite simple: unscramble the letters in the previous post and then scramble a new word for the next person. The only catch is that when you scramble the new word you're only allowed to change one letter from the previous post. Alternatively you could add or remove a letter from the previous post (but you can't change a letter and add remove one, it's one or the other). Hope that makes sense. We can play the game in the comments section to this post.
"We forgot about the Canadian exchange rate, so it's really only 82 mph."
August 13th is designated International Lefthanders Day by Lefthanders International. It was first observed 13 August 1976.
Caption: Left Handers' Day, 13 August 2002
Funny how Tommy's Birthday falls out on this day. Then it got me thinking, maybe all people born on August 13th are lefties.
Here are my eerie findings:
Marcus Ragnarsson born Aug 13, 1971 in Ostervala, Sweden = LEFTY
Shayne Corson born Aug 13, 1966 in Barrie, Canada = LEFTY
Gwen Cheeseman born Aug 13, 1951 in Harrisburg, US = LEFTY
Bobby Clarke born Aug 13, 1949 in Flin Flon , Canada = LEFTY
Theophilus Howard born Aug 13, 1584 in Walden, Essex = LEFTY
"There are no ties at the JCC, right, Jon?"
Pessimism, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
"By that token, you'd make the same bracha on Pringles that you make on gasoline, because they're both sold in Sunoco gas stations."
Perfection, n. An imaginary state or quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.
Generally speaking, the Book of Deuteronomy is written in the first person, being in essence the parting words of Moshe Rabbeinu. While often this is not very noticeable, a close reading will show that Deuteronomy is indeed one long peroration by the venerable Israelite leader at the close of his distinguished career. One noteworthy exception to this rule is the second paragraph of the Shema, which is taken from the end of this week’s parasha. As the Netziv observes in his commentary, in that paragraph it is God’s own voice we hear: “And I shall give the rain of your land in its proper time…And I shall give herbage in your field for your animal…” (11:14, 15). These first person statements are not introduced by a phrase such as “And God said…”, and seem quite out of place in this long series of speeches by Moshe.
At the end of P’ Eikev, the Jews are told to conquer the Land of Canaan. “Any place upon which your feet shall tread shall be yours, from the Desert and from the Lebanon, from the River - the River Euphrates -until the Final Sea, shall be your boundaries” (D’varim 11:24). The Sifrei on this verse explains that the geographical bodies outlined here are not themselves to be considered as part of the Land. Thus, the Mediterranean Sea (“yam ha’acharon”) would not have been part of ancient Israel.
In Moshe’s recapitulation of the events that took place at Sinai, following his discovery of the Golden Calf, he remarks that God told him that after he would receive the second set of tablets, he ought to go and make a box in which to put them (D’varim 10:1). And this is what Moshe did, making his box, or ark, out of wood, and then going up to receive the tablets. (On the reversal of the order in which the tasks were performed, see Tanchuma, Eikev #10). Rashi comments that this box was not the one mentioned in P’ T’rumah (25:10), which consisted of a wooden Ark between two golden encasings, and which was made by Betzalel, not Moshe. Rather, this was the Ark that the Jews used to take out with them to war; that of Betzalel was only taken out to war once, in the time of Eli, and it was captured by the Philistines (see Sh’muel I 4:3).
Pedigree, n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.
Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
You must watch this video.
Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
"I passed my time reading a book. It was called J.F.K. - The Man and the Airport."
"Well, it's disturbing me; it looks damn good."
Sometimes you wonder why they cut scenes from a movie. Classic example.
Seems like that head-bobbing shtick from the SNL skit and later the film A Night at the Roxbury was actually stolen from Star Wars (see here).
"שטן is in your heart; it is not 'Satan', you know - Mr. Bouchard or somebody."
Pastime, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
Throughout this year, we have read several “double parashas”. The reason we have these double readings is essentially because, during this non-leap year, there are more parashiyos than there are available Shabbasos (since several Shabbasos are taken over by special festival readings). The distribution of the double-readings is dictated by a number of specific associations that were made between the festivals and certain Torah sections. Thus P’ Tzav (or Aharei Mos in leap years) always immediately precedes Pesah, B’midbar always precedes Shavuos, etc.
There is a rather vague commandment in this week’s parasha, which reads as follows: “You shall not test Hashem, Your God, as you tested him at Massah” (D’varim 6:16). What exactly does this negative commandment entail? Generally speaking, there are two schools of thought:
"One of them has me dead already."
Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future.
If all the lonely men of faith got together and formed a frat society - maybe named it Lambda Mu Phi - would they still be lonely?
Well, I figure I'm on a roll (this will be my fourth consecutive post in a mere five minutes) so why not go with the flow.
The bidding is only at $0.51 on ebay. A must buy for any true hockey fan!
Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
"It would be called I Hate the Game But I Love Drinking the Beer.
Palmistry, n. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in "reading character" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way, for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe." The imposture consists in not reading it aloud.
I have a feeling that many of this blog's readers will find this of particular interest...especially those of us that played for Egert & Cohen Insurance of the Jerusalem Floor Hockey League back in the 2002 season.